It was February fourth and Molly had just entered the ice to begin her free skate she had already skated her short program. She was in fourth place and she had to get about a hundred and twenty-one in order to score first. It was possible but she had to land all of her jumps including her axel which had been causing her a lot trouble recently. Being a pudgy girl it made it easier for her to control her legs in her jump. She started her program as the jumps came up she landed them. The first jump she landed was the loop, then she landed the flip and then she landed the waltz three. If she could land this axel she would have performed her routine perfectly but she also knew that she could be in grave danger of injurying herself if she didn't. She took off and made a full rotation. She landed it! She did it! All of a sudden she allowed the wall to be broken down and thoughts came rushing into her head. What scores would she get? All the work had paid off? Would she make nationals? What about worlds? She knew she should be taking one step at a time but she was so excited. Most importantly had her friends seen? Had her mother been standing in the crowd cheering? She walked over to the kiss and cry area where she approached her coach. Her coach handed her a pot. It was different flor sent from her best friend. They sat down and as they waited her scores molly cried on her coach’s shoulder. She could see the contusion through her tights from the free skate. She knew she had skated her best because someone had said she has legerdmain in ice skating. The scores were reviled. She got a hundred and twenty four points. Molly had won! Her face turned from a shade of pallor to bright red. They stood up to leave. As they reached the door a covey of reporters surrounded her asking her questions she ignored them as they walked to the car. When they arrived at the hotel molly asked if she could nap before discussion began. The coach said that they would make this quick.
“ How do you feel?”
“I am fine but I am a bit annoyed at those reporters.”
“Well that’s good, because we are going to do a interview for a commerical with dove. Then we are scheduled to have dinner with the other coaches and skaters for nationals. After dinner you are skating for a charity.”
“Okay but I’m going to take my nap now. By the way do we have plans for tomorrow? I want to hang out with Lila.”
“Not yet. Oh I forgot that throughout the night there will be reporters on you from NBC, OK, E and that ice skating magazine- what's it called?”
“Why do they have to watch my every move? Now I am going to have to change clothes for every event. I have to dress up. Next time can you ask for a small taxi-one that doesn’t fit reporters? I am going to take a shower when your done and would you put my hair in a bun. Elizabeth is off duty.”
The next morning Lila came over so they could go to the mall. They got to the mall fine most likely because they were in Lila’s car. The walked into the mall through Macy's and within five minutes of entering a crowd had gathered around them.
“Molly great job yesterday,” One fan stated.
“I wish I could skate like. that when I skate it is so inept,” another fan said giving the inkling she wanted to take lessons from molly to her mother.
“You skated great,” a young girl inputted as if molly was her heroine. The girl spoke as though molly was full of wisdom and was sophisticated.
“Nice axel I wish I would have won,” Another skater said filled with avarice.
“When did you gain all this popularity,” Lila asked.“Yesterday when I won competition. I am thirsty want to get a milkshake,” Molly said.
“Definitely my mom has been feeding us fish and broccoli for the fast three days,” Lila remarked disgustedly.When they arrived at their favorite milkshake place they ordered their milkshakes and just as they were leaving the were attacked by reporters who formed a bulwark.
“ Whats your favorite milkshake,” one reporter asked.
“ Do you have a boyfriend,” another questioned.
“Guys! Don't you think that is petulant? That is getting a little too personal. How would you like it if I asked you how your relationship is going? Yeah I thought so.”
“ How does it feel to be going to nationals,” remarked a third reporter totally unaware of what she had just said.
“Do you plan on winning the gold for Massachusetts,” a fourth reporter input.Guys thanks for the appreciation but we have to go were late,” Molly stated annoyed.
They headed out of the store. They got into the car and drove off for home.
“Sorry we had to cut the mall trip so short,” Molly apologized.
“Tomorrow want to try to hang out again,” Lila pleaded.
“Well, I have to train, practice my skating routine. I also have to go to Macy’s to promote their store,” Molly sighed.
“Well what about tomorrow evening,” Lila inquired hopefully.
“No, sorry. I have to get to know the other girls for nationals,” Molly said.
“Oh, okay then. Bye,” Lila said as they arrived at molly’s hotel.
“Bye. Hope to see you soon,” Molly said getting out of the car.Back in the hotel room she approached her coach.
“I haven’t had any time to hang out with Lila. We went to the mall today for about an hour but we were surrounded by reporters or fans the whole time. I am so busy with interviews or worrying about nationals. I want more time to hang out with her.”
“Well which is more important to you friends or skating? It’s okay if you want we can drop out of nationals.”
“ No, I want to go to nationals. It took a lot to get here and I am not giving up now."
“ Well how about if we take a break after nationals? We could use the money you won and your commercial money to go on a cruise. We could bring Lila along.”
“That would be awesome!”
“Of course, you would have to promise me you would do some skating so you don’t forget your moves.”
“Yes I will. I am going to call Lila now,” Molly said.
“Lila. Guess what? Coach said that she would bring you and me on a cruise!”
“Really,” Lila screamed.
“No, I said you could bring her on a cruise. You paid for it,” Coach said from the other room.
“No actually she said I would be bringing you because it would be with my competition money. It would be after nationals. So can you go?”
“ Yes definitely yes.”
“But what did your mom say?”
“Oh, my mom. Just hold on. Mom can I go? My mom wants to know how long it would be? Two weeks mom. Yeah. Please I will bring my work. Yes! My mom said I could go. But what about skating? What if you win nationals,”Lila said excited.
“ Well, I would have to practice my moves so I don’t forget them but it would be a break so I wouldn’t have to skate as much and as for nationals I probably won’t win but even if I do I deserve a rest besides we’ll have a month to nationals I will just have to train in two weeks. Friendship is just as important if not more.”
“Oh! thank you! Thank you! I love you!”
The girls didn’t see each other for the next two weeks. In fact they didn’t expect to see each other until the Saturday after nationals and nationals was on Wednesday but Lila surprised molly by being there to support her. She skated her program and she won! She stuck to her plan of going on the cruise and they would just train after. After all, friendship is more than a gold medal.
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7 comments:
I would like you to get the message that friendship is more important then anything else. Whether it be a gold medal or a million dollars. It was easy to write the end. I thinkn the ending works. I am aware that the words aren't in there yet. I would like comments about my the middle is the part i was having most trouble with. I had lots of grammar trouble. I would say dialouge is my weak area.
I. The conflict of this story is that Molly had to choose between skating or her friend Lila. This is an internal conflict. She managed to get a little of both by winning the skating competition which allowed her to take her friend on a cruise. I tought it was a great resolution. You could have made it more dramatic by having Lila become angry with Molly and they make up with the cruise.
II. Molly learns about fame and friendship were earlier she was more focused on skating and winning. She realizes how tiring it is and how it can cost a friendship and decides that friends are more imtportant.
III. My favorite part was the ending when she wins and that is obviusly the resolution. '"Friendship is just as important if not more.”' I loved how you state the theme right here in this quote. :)
IV. The best quality is how descriptive you are during the skating competitions it makes it easy to understand and empathize with Molly even though I don't know much about ice skating.
V. Friendship is more important than winning a competition. She starts with Molly being hooked on ice skating and then has her wanting to meet with her friend but has to do a press confrence and the press bothering her while shes with her friend so it shows that she ahs to decide between her friend and her fame that comes with skating. She even says that friendship is just as important if not more in the story itself.
VI. The spaces between your paragraphs should be double spaced and you need the 14 vocab words. Other than that it is really good.
The conflict of the story is that Molly has to chose between skating and her bestfriend Lila. This is an internal conflict. The conflict resovles when she wins the skating competition and is allowed to take Lila with her on a cruise. I think it would have been more dramatic if Lila had gotten angry with Molly for chosing skating over her and then they could make up on the cruise.
The main character changes by learning about fame and friendship. Before she was more concentrated on winning the competition than on her friendship with Lila. She realizes that skating is always going to be there for her, but Lila might not be.
My favorite part was the ending because thats when molly realizes what she did wrong and appologizes to Lila for not being there for her.
I think the best quality is the description throughout the story and the plot of the story.
the theme is that the things you love to do (like sports and hobbies) will always be there for you, but your friends might grow old with not being able to see you and drift away to become friends with other people.
Your only problem is that you didnt use the vocab words and you might want to take out parts that dont need to be there because its a bit lengthy. Other than that i think its really good.
Pudgy means short and plump. It is a adjective. I used this word to describe the shape of molly and how she used her body to her advantage.
Grave means dangerous, harmful, and serious. It is a adjective. I used this word to describe how bad it could be if she didn't land her jump.
Contusion means bruise and it is a noun. I use it to describe the blackness of her fall.
Legerdmain means to show good skill. It is a noun. I used it to describe how well she ice skated.
Pallor means paleness. It is a noun. I used it to describe molly's change in color on her face.
Covey means a group or flock and it is a noun. I used it to describe how many reporters were surronding her.
Flor means plants and it is a noun. I used it to show what gift her friend gave her.
Inept means to be clumsy or awkward doing something. I used it to show the girl's knowledge of skating.
Inkling means hint. I used it to describe the tone of voice the girls was talking in.
Heroine is a legendary figure who has a great strength or ability. A heroine is a noun. I used it to describe how the girl felt towards molly.
Sophisticated means to be wise. It is an adjective and i used it to describe how the girl thought molly was.
Avarice means to be greedy. It is an adjective and i used it to descrribe the skater's attitude.
A Bulwark is a wall-like structure. It is a noun and i used it to describe how surrounded she was by reporters.
Petulant is to be rude. It is an adjective and i used it to describe the reporters.
My greatest change in my story from the rough draft to the final copy was that i changed my dialogue. The packet that we did was moroeo helpful becuase it was more specific and it covered every aspect. Instead of the students saying what they wanted you(the teacher) guided them. My story's strength is my theme. I think i made it very apperent. I would advise next year's studuents to make sure they have a specific setting. I would advise them this because i meant to focus on my settting. I didn't end up mentioning a specific setting.
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